Very confused and broken down.. - Talk About Marriage

Anxiety, Depression and Relationships Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging.

Today, 04:08 PM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 1,586	Sorry for where you are,but if what you're doing goes against your core values then you will have many regrets.You're in an EA with another man and it feels so good and right,probably the same way you once felt with your H when your relationship first started.That's the brain chemistry going haywire from the newness of it all. All you share with OM is happy times far removed from the perceived drudgery of your marriage.The more you get involved.the easier it becomes to find faults in your marriage even to the point of rewriting some of the marital history.Your H can't compete or work towards a solution because he doesn't even know he's competing.You think you know this OM,but do you really? This is a man who intends to take another man's wife like a thief in the night and all it really takes is a little attention and a few sweet words.The sad thing is you seem willing to abet him in it by destroying and betraying a man who up until the past couple of years was there for not only the highs in your marriage but faced life's everyday hurdles with you. I don't know what you will do but you might be better served investing the energy you give the OM on finding real solutions to your problems that are far more respectful than what you're doing now.Marriage responsibility is something that's shared,but cheating,well that's !00% on the cheater and there is no excuse for it....there are other options if you're not happy. Hope you come clean and try to work it out with your H because if you don't you may,as others have before you,realize too late that the grass isn't always greener.Take care. __________________ "Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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Today, 05:28 PM	? #4 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Michigan Posts: 2,482	Wantmyselfback, I have been there. Believe me when I say that an emotional affair is NOT the answer. My husband treated me like I was a kid, often. He was always angry, always yelling... then he finally got the right diagnoses and is on his way to getting his medications adjusted properly. It's like he is a totally different man than the one he was when I was in my EAs. He isn't the same man he was 13 years ago, but he is SO far from the man he was last year at this time...even two years ago! WMB, I know this OM is saying he loves you and wants to be with you, etc. Again, I've been there. I heard the words, I got the butterflies, I had those feelings. But the thing is, your OM isn't there day to day. He is showing you his best side, ostensibly to help you through this difficult time in your life. Unfortunately, in acting the way he is, he is encouraging you to cheat on your husband, which you are doing now. Regarding your husband, what is going on with him? Has he been diagnosed with a mental/psychological illness? Is he receiving care from a psychiatrist or psychologist? If he has psych diagnoses, but is not being medicated properly, you will have this mean man to contend with, as I did. Please, for you sanity, don't continue in this affair. It isn't worth it to be labeled a cheater.
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Today, 07:45 PM	? #6 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Michigan Posts: 2,482	Yes, I know where you are coming from. My OM had things he could have told my husband, etc. But, I told my husband anyway. In the end, I felt it was better to come clean, deal with the consequences, and hope for the best with my husband. It could have gone the other way, but it didn't. Telling him DID scare the hell out of me, for sure! But it was the right decision. I'm guessing the pics were either naked, or barely clothed, or both? Well, if you decide that you want to give your marriage a go, and I mean REALLY work on it, you need to tell him everything. But that's the big thing... you are in the fog of the affair, and the only way you can even try to work on the marriage is if the OM is out of the picture. Your last sentence tells me that there may still be hope for your marriage: "I can't help but think my world would end if he left."... I know how that feels. But, in order to continue with him, you need to be honest with him... no matter how hard it is.
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